at a horror movie

bf: are you scared?
me: in this economy who wouldn't be

reblog if you are nothing but a conceptual web art piece



a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

what the fuck


photobooth fun


*drops food and says Ctrl+Z*

finger me with two fingers and then let me shit on your chest and eat it off of you

the only thing my fingers will be touching tonight is the bible


Iggy Azelea is such a good mom.


my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night